Aridez umedecida

Chuva no meio da estiagem, delícia!
O dia começou como deserto e finda nessa gostosa cortina fluida, que limpa o ar e sacia o chão.
As plantas bebem, se enverdecem de alegria e minha alma flutua leve, fresca!
A mangueira no canto parada, hoje trabalha não.
Como é feliz quando, na seca, o céu irriga o dia!

Solitude

She was, she went, she felt, she dreamed, she lived.
Tried, sowed, loved, hurt, weaped, triped.
No one's fault, life has grief.

Almost empty, trying to recover and build, she starts.
Lifts up, looks ahead and with hope walks forth.
The eyes express true will to thrive.

Her heart drowned in disbelief, a bitter sea of inner tears.
Only she knows the thick shield guarding her soul...
She is also her own sincere version of happyness.

The dreampt joy that doesn't exist.
The sublime rejoice in the paralel dimension.
It is as much truth as it is a lie.

Strengthening from in to out, she is determined.
Slowly, from the rebuilding of faith to believing again
that it has to be possible to be happy out and within.

Retorno ao estudo

Sinapses esquecidas, aprendizagem parada, há muito inativa.
Tempo passou, mas forço a memória até redescubrir essa parte da minha história.
Assim as ideias, de adormecidas rebrotam ainda mais vivas!

A way away

Suddenly it stroke her: the truth.

She finally found out, at last now she was able to conciously admit it.

During the whole day all she did was wonder – thinking about situations and people that didn’t really mean anything in this world, because they are just abstractions, parts of her imaginative nature...

They are companions of her alternate dimension and she prefers it there!
This isn’t evident to anyone, for she interacts avidly with this world, with the people she meets and talks to, being very nice and aparently extremelly present in the moment (but that is just the surface).
Inside is where she really stays, secretly travelling in her own world.
That planet is much more fun.

It’s happy, contemplative, whole.

Its inocent and clean and smooth and sweet and cool.

It doesn’t matter actually what it is – it’s hers.
And nobody can come in, there is no invitation.

Except her animal friends, all the rest of “your” world does not matter in there.

No one even imagines it exists.

At that private space there is no room for spying, for lying or heart breaking, unless it was her own doing.

But she soon undoes this, for it is not her true nature to be cruel – ok, maybe just a little bit...

In that place, she is king – yes, not queen – she is in charge, at the center, in peace.

It is safe and hot there and even when it gets colder there are fun activities, true friends, blankets and chocolate...
And love, so much love! Greater love than fisical.

Love for her and for everyone she knows, even for the ones that she desires to truly forgive in the other world, the so called ‘real world’, but she isn’t able to.

Over there it’s just too unbelievable, too unperfect, too disapointing.

There? Where? Which is here or what is at another space or time?

Oh, to sleep and never again wake up into the ‘numb normality’, that is the true dream!

To be alive in that paralel private universe, to be awake from this nightmare!!!
Not her actual nightmare really, but just the aknowledgement of the suffering and pain spoils the living, polutes the breathing and paralises her soul.

Fantasy-place is a hideout, she knows, but doesn’t care.

Most of the time that she appears to be in your world, the truth is her heart is away, at its home, warm and protected.

In fact, she even wrote this text while running out (or in) to that corner of space that is between existences.
She is me – but I am just the unperfect crying and hurting sketch of her – I am not her, for she is free.